Mediocre christian?

A quitter never wins and a winner never quits – Napoleon Hill.

Defeat doesn’t finish a man, quitting does – Richard Nixon

Most of us would have come across one or more of ‘don’t give up’ quotes at one time or the other and even gotten encouragement from them not to give up on a project, a dream or a desire. This time around, I want us to think about not giving up in an aspect of our lives that we hardly apply it. I try as much as possible not to use the phrase “spiritual life” like it can be compartmentalized like we do the other areas of our lives – my career, my relationships, my business, my social life, my love life, my spiritual life. Nah. I am a spirit being and therefore that controls every other aspect of my life. Whether you agree with this or not, I believe strongly that it applies to all persons. Who you are is what you produce in all other areas of your life. Back to the thoughts at hand. Many preachers today complain about the level of unrighteousness and the ‘world’ that has crept into the church and while there are many reasons that have and can be propounded for this, I want to consider it from an individualistic point of law. Nigerians are deeply religious people and generally believe in the spiritual or the supernatural. We believe in diabolic stuff which is one of the reasons I think Christianity is easily practiced here. Our belief in a God is not the issue, the issue I see is not giving up on that God.

 

God is an easy being to fall in love with and the message of salvation an easy one to believe. Who wouldn’t want a part of this life where all your past sins are erased and completely forgotten, you have the God of the universe on your side, a loving Father who has these amazing promises to keep you, provide all your needs, bless you and be with you for all time. I see needful people, people who never thought there could be another chance at life, people who have messed up so bad hungrily accept this message with all their hearts. A little while passes and the difference is quickly fading. That changed life isn’t so changed anymore, only this time it’s hidden and covered up by Christian clichés, church activities and all. We don’t have a lot of changed lives anymore and God is still the same with absolutely the same changing power so what’s going on? I don’t have the general answer and or solution but I am going to state something I have observed from a few lives around me and something I have had to overcome.

 

Christianity is a relationship with our Father and like all other relationships, it requires time and effort. Like all other relationships, with time you also get to create memories and intimate knowledge of the person. Christianity that is practiced as a ritual or just a set of dos or don’ts without enjoying the love and fellowship with the Father is powerless and bound to breed the attitude of the elder brother of the prodigal son: I have served you faithfully and kept all your laws and commands and others are more blessed than I am. One thing is sure if you are into this relationship with God, you would have to grow. You would have to get deeper, become better and this is where I see a lot of people around me stuck. Not many people want to get deeper into the mysteries of God. They stay with the part of the Bible that is comfortable and don’t even want to prod deeper. That’s the kind of attitude that keeps people from knowing about and experiencing healing, praying in tongues, the gifts of the spirit, rapture, the end times, soul winning. Those are usually reserved for the scripture union Christians but God won’t allow you stay in a spot, you have to grow. You cannot be dealing with the same habits and issues you had years ago, you cannot be the same person. Growth is not optional when you walk with God.

Christianity is not magic. This is the second area I see people around me stuck. My first experience with healing and confession almost resulted into me denying my faith. I believed with all my heart and did everything I had been taught but didn’t get results at the time. My hopes were so dashed I wrote a poem in which the first line was “have you ever had to forgive God?” I know many people have similar experiences. You believed and didn’t get. You confessed and it didn’t work and your heart gets discouraged. You’ve been dealing with this habit for a long time and praying and asking for help. You’ve been praying and waiting and praying and waiting. You’ve been praying and asking what to do and the silence couldn’t be louder. Please don’t give up. I wish I could tell you outright all the answers to all these experiences but I can’t. I can however tell you that if you hang in there, take your frustrations to God, open up to Him and be open to His ways, you will become better and deeper for it. You would get to know Him better by yourself and rely on your own testimony and not someone else’s. You would get to know how to do things better. Never give up on your relationship with God, grow and I mean deliberately grow. Flourish in His love. Don’t be a mediocre Christian. If you are going to be a christian at all, be determined to get the best out of it.  

Easier said than done

As I said in my first blog post this year, I envision a lot of growing and maturing for myself this year. I am consciously placing myself under God’s tutelage about life (and love too). I envision this as well for all my followers and readers because I intend to take you on all the lessons I learn along the way. I pray you all grow with me and if you have passed whatever hurdle I am facing at a particular time, I hope you can encourage me and give me a few tips.

A culmination of the decisions you make daily results in how your life is. Whatever stage you are or will get to is determined by the daily choices and judgment calls you make. A lot of times, these judgment calls are in black and white and they are easy to make and at other times, they are in shades of grey. There are those decisions that look like either way, it’s a case of choosing between the frying pan and the fire, either because of what it would take from you financially or emotionally or what you would have to let go. For those that walk with God, usually in our hearts (deep down), we know the right way to go or the right choice to make. But that right choice is buried deep beneath our own desires, emotional entanglements and maybe weaknesses so we turn it into a whisper or just a nudge in our hearts.

But I have made a choice this year, and that is to do what I believe is the right thing in every situation – what I believe God would have me do no matter how difficult it is. I can hear what you are all thinking – easier said than done, right? I know. But that is precisely what I do not want to hear anymore. All my friends and colleagues and anyone who would be in a position to advice and counsel me at some point or the other should please kindly take this as a tip. I do not need any form of encouragement to take the easier way out. I am very capable of giving myself logical reasons not to do the right thing because it is harder. I do not want to hear “I understand how tough it is”, “it’s easier said than done”, and all other like clichés. I want to be told how one bad judgment call can lead to another. I want to be reminded of how David, who did not take advantage of several opportunities to kill a king who was spending so much time and resources to hunt him down, engineered the death of a loyal soldier all because of a first judgment call to sleep with his wife. I want to be told how it never ends at one decision but leads to another and another. I want to be reminded that even though it seems like its my life and I can exercise the right to do what I like, there would be other people who would be affected by the choices I make.

The right choices are not always easy to make, I appreciate that. In fact, I should be awarded an honorary degree from the college of logical reasoning. I am expert at giving myself and God (He’s such a patient Father, gosh!) good reasons why I am doing what I am doing. I have however realized and seen first hand how one seemingly simple decision can either give enormous joy or cause great pain later on. Those shades of grey are tough, I know, especially where matters of the heart are involved. There are so many situations we have gotten ourselves into that it seems there is no right or wrong way. But a situation is hard is no reason not to do the right thing. Imagine if Jesus had decided it was too hard to go through the physical and emotional pain of the cross, imagine if women had decided it was too hard to bear children. For those that live in Lagos and like cities, it’s not easy to run the daily lives most of us do but morning after morning, we do it. We can make the right choices emotionally too. I have good self-discipline in my physical activities – diligence at work, studies, keeping home and family and other responsibilities, I am working towards a great deal of self- discipline emotionally. These love matters can get complicated and tricky but my decision this year is to de-complicate and untangle any mess, choose the right path and walk it. It’s not going to be easy, but I am choosing that way, so help me God!

A follow up question is what if you don’t know what choice is the right one? Will definitely answer that soon.

Love Scribbles 2

One of the best decisions I made last year, or was it the year before, is that I joined the best department in my church. I have become friends with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. Three of them would scribble in the next few days if I have my way. This post is by Chukwudi Asobo. He is truly awesome. A lot of times, I want to give him an office and send almost everyone I know to him for some honest truth. He is a true gem. He writes to his younger self, enjoy!

Dear Self,

Judging that you have come of age in a time when love has different meanings, I feel it is best that I clarify this so that you can see beyond the haze that has made this word trivial.

People say love without understanding that intent is prior to content. The intention of a thing determines the quality of its content and the details that makes it valuable.

Self, love makes you seek to become a better person so that others can benefit from you regardless of their motive. It ensures that you make it available not because of their size, height, looks, qualifications, attainment, accomplishments, positions, or wealth. It is given because this is who we are and designed to be. Our DNA is structured to love and when we do otherwise, we invariably poison our system and usher ourselves to a journey of self-destruction.

Love is not what the media has painted it to be. Love is alive when nothing else is there. Love is what makes you look at issues different and the people you come across deeply, understanding that the seed of the new birth is in them whether they realize it or not.

Your intention should be to love, and the content that makes this a reality daily should be in understanding that God loved the world before He created the world.  So love is being like our Father even when it looks impossible.

This is where you should stand out.

I hope this will help you get you to your destination. Once to place this in your heart, you will find the one that you are suppose to and live life like you were meant to.

God bless you.

Sincerely,

Older Self

Love scribbles 1

Its valentine’s day people! Anyone that knows me knows that this is one of my favourite seasons, it competes with Christmas. I haven’t really celebrated it in years, if ever but I love it anyhow. I am not very good at the love talk so I recruited some people who I respect so much and reading what they sent me, I am glad I did. Its love talk so you are going to be enjoying more than the usual single posts this month. I have two more people in mind to recruit so be really expectant.

This post is by Mrs. Kemi Olowojolu. I absolutely love this woman, she makes me feel right at home. She always gives me this feeling of rightness and is a role model in every sense of the word. I actually got the “love scribbles” phrase from her. Enjoy!

Is this love?

Passionate kisses, trembling bodies, eager hearts.

Missing someone even to the point of tears, waiting for his/her pings, endless phone calls.

Loving gestures, awesome gifts, proud to show you off

Pledges, vows, promises.

Love is more intentional than accidental, and this makes me examine one of the most popular  phrases on earth: “fall in love”

If falling in love is to have giddy feelings for a stranger or friend, colleague, neighbor, family it’s acceptable.  It happens, some hardly ever fall in love, and some regularly fall in and out of love.

But if falling in love is the foundation for a lifelong commitment to another person of the opposite sex, I’m afraid it falls short of the requirements for such a sacred and lasting relationship.

It falls short by the experiences of those who’ve experienced this “falling in love”, it falls short by the concept it represents.

Then there’s another school of thought that says ‘there’s just one woman or man who’s been designed to fit me’ this also raises a lot of questions we may not be able to tackle in this article.

If you’re seeking for fulfillment  and joy in a lifelong relationship which we will define here as marriage between a man and a woman, then your ideals and ideas about love and expectations from the opposite sex should reflect that of the one who made them male and female.

If my ideals are no different from what is read in popular magazines, movies, sitcoms and serial  shows, then I shouldn’t expect to have better results than what I find in the lives of most celebrities, movies and these shows.

Questions to ask yourself: what do I want? And why? Where am I going? What kind of person can I work with? “Can two people work together if they don’t agree?” agree about what?

What to bear in mind;

Seek inner beauty: who do you want to impress? Your spouse is not for display but for you both to grow together and fulfill God’s mandate of being fruitful in all areas of life, you’re expected to bring each other joy even in a turbulent world.  So I plead with you reading this; don’t choose societal expectations or preferences over what you know to be the truth.

Seek character: “by their fruit, you will know…”

Seek compatibility; to be compatible means to be well matched, to be suited, means attuned, friendly, companionable. It doesn’t mean you have to be copies of each other which could be boring, though God took care of that! No two people are exactly alike, even twins have some distinguishing features.

There are so many couples today that the only thing they have in common is making babies and the babies they’ve made. If you’re ok with that, then there’s no need to bother much about that inner person covered by the beautiful or not so beautiful body, a person’s character and how compatible you need to be.

My final thoughts will be:

You need to define love and while you’re at it, consider these scenarios;

A prince once saw a lady, and his heart so much wanted her that he raped her and afterwards asked his father to go to her family to seek for her hand in marriage ( source; the bible), he was so much in love he couldn’t wait……. Is this love? Her brothers in plotting a revenge on this family actually said “he disgraced our sister” love will protect you, respect you and seek to add value to you.

The prince had his definition of love warped!

Now compare with this other example:

Another guy so much wanted a lady as wife that he agreed to serve her father for 7 years! Guess what? After those seven years, he found out on the morning after the wedding night that it was another woman who warmed his bed! Oops!  (The ladies in this culture went into their husband’s room veiled)  you know what? He served another 7 years! Just to have Racheal….reader, their love story goes on…..(source; the bible)

Well you reading this are neither Jacob nor Racheal and the times we live in is different but I know this: every woman wants to be loved like Racheal was loved…. Lets save that thought for another day: (gen 29: 20) ‘so Jacob worked for seven years to pay for racheal. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days”

My comment to the lady reading this is: how do you feel about yourself? Do you feel worthy of the highest expressions of love? Do you feel it’s vain to expect a man to love like you’re the only one who completes him? Such feelings can only be yours when you’ve experienced God’s unconditional love and mercy; He’s the only one who makes us truly worthy.

As a lady, I start to see my sense of worth from God’s perspective, and it makes to know; I can bring a man joy, I am what someone really needs, I have so much to give and I am capable. Knowing these now bring feelings of confidence, satisfaction and takes away a feeling of helplessness, of being needy or waiting for a knight in shining armor to rescue you!

A guy’s got to define love too, sometimes it seems easier for him, but not necessarily: is it going to be the kind of love the prince above had:’ can’t wait to touch’,’ I’m lost in her eyes” the way she moves”’

Or the other guy who was willing to serve, to wait, to do the right thing.

You know, those feelings are genuine and legitimate, but to interpret it as what love is would be detrimental.

This picture of love continues to be my inspiration and guide in loving the man I’ve been married to for 9 years:  ‘’love not in words but in deed” love never gives up, never loses faith, always hopeful and endures through every circumstance, is patient and kind, does not demand its own way, not irritable, keeps no records of being wronged.

A bold 2013!

Happy New Year! I am so sorry that it’s coming almost a month late. I pray that this year turns out to be a fulfilling year for each person reading this. This year is already shaping up well for me. I have my work cut out for me spiritually, physically, career-wise and socially. I believe in resolutions, they have worked for me a lot so I have those straightened out too.

Last year was a good year for me. I know a lot changed about me especially in my thinking. I matured. I still have a lot of classes and lessons left but I love this woman that God is moulding me into. I can say that I have been a good student (all with the patience of the Holy Spirit of course) and this year I would only get better.

I want to share an early-on lesson I am going to be practicing from this first month of the year and that is to live this beautiful life I have boldly and unapologetically. I am still young and I do not know everything (its possible I do not even know much) but I have been blessed with this relationship with God that has been my saving grace, so despite the few mistakes I would change if I could, I am pretty satisfied with the choices I have made in my life so far. I have come to a point where I am one person. I do not have to suit my character and behavior or tastes to the people I am with at a particular time. I have with the help of the Holy Spirit become comfortable with me enough to be myself boldly and confidently wherever I am.

There are a number of people who think they know how I should live and act and I am quite guilty of it too. There are a number of people whom I love very much that I want to set on a path I think is the right one for them to follow. Usually the path I would pick for someone is based on my own experiences, values, desires and mindset. For all I know, we might not want the same things out of life. And even if we do, we might not achieve them the same way. God is creative enough to create different experiences that would lead to the same destination. So this year, instead of acting like I know what is good for everyone, I would spend the time and energy to discover what is good for me and what plans God has in store for me. As I demand the liberty to live boldly this life in a manner that is true to my heart, I also give my loved ones the liberty to live boldly and unapologetically their lives without criticism or judgment. As I demand not to be compared with another’s pace or choices, I also refuse to judge my loved ones based on mine.

An Eleanor Roosevelt quote I love so much says: “In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”

While still lovingly giving solicited, honest advice and seeking same when required, I am going to live a life that is true to myself and to the God that has brought me this far. I am going to live boldly and responsibly to the glory of my Father. Whenever you are tempted to tell someone what to do, do what I have purposed to do. Turn that speech instead into a prayer. Ask God to reveal His own thoughts to them and teach them which way to go. That is my personal remedy.

Happy New Year folks! This year, don’t let others teach you how to live. Consult your maker and live a life that is true to the dream and the picture He has placed inside of you. And live it boldly too!

Tis season to love

I have noticed that most times it is the people we love the most that hurt us the most. Such an irony but I stand by that statement. In life, love and relationships, I have come to realize that giving your heart to someone (and this is not restricted to romantic relationships alone) involves giving the person the power to hurt you. We don’t usually think about that. Most times when an act is done or omitted, it’s not just the act or omission that is painful but the person involved is usually what causes the most pain. For instance, when you hear terrible things been spoken about you, it is usually the knowledge of the originator of those words that determines the depth of the knife in your heart. Now, before you all go on remembering those that have hurt you deeply and agreeing with me, I want you to consider those you have hurt. Yes, you. I try as hard as I can, not to live my life by someone’s dictates or actions. I have loved and still love and have been hurt, presently is being hurt and would probably still be hurt in the future. As long as humans maintain the factor of fallibility, it is safe to assume we would hurt each other and step on each other’s toes. However, I do try to assess myself especially when am hurt. When the pain is so deep, I try to see and make sure I am not the source of such pain to another person. I, like every other human has the tendency to be selfish, to want things done my way and when I don’t get that, I have the tendency to withdraw or lash out at the person. The more I love you, the more intense either the withdrawal or the lashing out is. Its an irony, I tell you. However when I get either the silent treatment or lashing out, as the case may be, from those who mean the world to me, it is then I realize the enormous pain I must have caused those that have given me a space in their hearts and lives. It is humbling.

This is the season that celebrates the birth of love itself on the earth. The atmosphere is filled with such love and serenity during this season. In the spirit of the season, try to evaluate the relationships in your life. Reach out to those you have taken for granted, apologize to those you know that you should, accept the apologies of those who do apologize, buy a little gift to say thank you. Say the compliments that have been on your lips all year long but you thought the person didn’t deserve it or the person probably knows. You’ll be surprised the insecurities that lies beneath the surface of our beautiful smiles and smug attitudes. Sincerely express your love to someone this season, it might be the only gift they get.

No man is an island. You cannot decide to live like a hermit to protect your heart; you would be missing out on one of the most beautiful things in life – true friendships and relationships. Even if you cannot determine and control the attitude of the people you love towards you, you have the hearts of others in your hands and you can determine how you treat them.

Spread the love this season.

Compliments of the season. Have a beautiful Christmas.

The first to rise up

The tragedy of the Aluu 4 is not news to anyone that has a Blackberry phone or Internet access in this country but the spread and outcry against this form of jungle justice has not even been with the kind of fervor I would expect. Something is going wrong with the consciences of men and I am in serious agony at the kind of world we might be leaving for posterity. I have not and would not watch the video. This is not some overly gruesome action- thriller flick by Quentin Tarantino or some scripted reality TV show. This is a real video of the gruesome death of 4 young guys. The hearts that can watch that video can very well go ahead, mine is too tender and I intend to keep it that way. I have however seen a picture and the picture shows more of the crowd that watched this grotesque execution with pained faces, and I want to enter that picture and knock out each and every one of them. How do you stand, arms crossed and watch that kind of thing happen? And when the murderers were done, they walked away without anyone apprehending them for the authorities. The police should arrest each and every one of them for aiding and abetting the murder of those four boys.

However, when our righteous indignation has simmered a bit, there is a question I would want everyone including myself to contemplate on and that is what would we have done had we been passing by at that inopportune moment? I know for sure that I wouldn’t be in that picture because I cannot stand to watch such violence but would I have simply walked away not wanting to be part of it or any ensuing clash that might result afterwards? That would be the wise thing to do if I was security conscious, but would that be the moral thing to do? The follow up question arises, would I immediately run to a nearby police station (assuming there was one) to inform the police? It is very easy to answer ‘yes’ immediately but my background in a university rife with indigenes and student clashes and cult activities has me re-thinking my emotionally charged ‘yes.’ Would I want to be labeled as the one who informed the police and have these guys come after me, after they are released on bail or finally (as we assume would happen in this our dear country)?

That is the dilemma we face, a lack of courage by individuals to be the first to rise up and maybe be the martyr. Before we all begin to cast stones, I want us to imagine that tense atmosphere. The murderers are high, even if it’s just on adrenaline, and it is possible that the first person that would have tried to stop them would have been included in the fate of the Aluu 4 but I can bet that if the first person had made a move, other people would have too. And that is the crux of the problem; we all wait for the first courageous crusader. We would join in any fight for justice as long as we are not the pioneers or the ones that might be arrested or locked up. A bunch of us are just satisfied with discussing the issue and celebrating the crusaders.

This is not an article to criticize or chastise us all (except the perpetrators of this dastardly act). Self-preservation is an innate and justifiable trait of human nature and only those with a strong passion and belief in a particular cause can subdue it. The question is what passion(s) do you have that would cause you to be a sole champion if you have to? Does it include the regard and value for human life?